Well, it is 6.30, Sunday Evening, and yet another day when I did not make it to church, despite having an assurance I would, has come and gone. To be honest it has felt like a defeat that has some sort of mocking music going on in the background. I had a great Saturday with Morag and I being invited out to share breakfast with Ollie, Laura and the adorable Ellie – well actually Ollie and Laura are adorable too! However, Ellie has the edge on them in terms of cuteness factor!  It was a blessing for body, soul and spirit! The rest of the day went well. I knew Sunday morning would be difficult in terms of feeling well enough to manage all that is involved in a morning service; getting there, singing, speaking with people afterwards etc at a time of the day when I am not at my best, so I set my sights on Sunday night, even telling some people who I know care about me that it was my plan to see them at Holy Trinity this evening. The problem is I made a mistake in the medication I took on Saturday night… I wont go into all the ins and outs and results of that but sufficient to say come this morning it looked as though a tranquillised  but refusing to lie down bear had been rumbling about in the kitchen and living room! Half eaten food and interestingly rearranged furniture etc. show me it was a busy night…of which  remember little. I certainly don’t know for sure if I did drink a tomato juice and put food in strange places or is Morag just making that up? But then, why would she make up such a thing? The effects today were extreme tiredness, embarrassment as “I did not do that,” seems to have to yield with embarrassment to “YesI did….: Whatever, come 6.20 tonight, I knew I would not be going to church!

Well, maybe no particular thoughts to lay before you. I don’t want to become the sort of blogger who writes about and posts photographs of what they have had for their tea – I had the most delicious Spaghetti Bolognese by the way. I don’t want to write a blog like that, that is for sure. Can I say anything more useful from my today?

Maybe all I can say is it is really important if you are on your medication to take it at the right time in the right dosage…

…but then again, maybe I have something  else to say: I felt like  a useless lump all day! I don’t like not achieving what I set out to achieve. All sorts of hard, condemning thoughts wait like an avalanche to tumble in. But they can’t do it without my permission. I have been rescued by my wife who has told me these thoughts of failure are a lie, and also by a memory of something John Winber’s wife said to him. He had set off into the mountains in order to break through to God, fast and pray etc. He announced in semi-heroic tone that she might not see him for weeks! However she got a phone call from a rather dejected sounding John the very first night; he had broken his fast already and was in a “Macdonalds”  eating a “Big Mac!” She kindly said to him, “Come on home John, you can try for the higher life another time.”

Perhaps for you, today didn’t quite work out as hoped. You left undone something you wanted to do, perhaps in church or family or whatever. Perhaps you need to be kind to yourself and say, “I can try again tomorrow.” At least you tried today…

…and just as I close, perhaps another lesson is playing around my thoughts asking for space in this blog. Maybe I should listen to the letter of James more and say, not because it is a pious thing to say but because it is  something I realize  these days is profoundly true: “Tomorrow or next week I shall do this…. if the Lord wills.” Greater humility could be the fruit of a frustrating day…

So until the next blog, if the Lord will…

…but I am still not convinced I took that tomato juice…. and why on earth would any sane person think of putting cereal bars there of all places;  I wouldn’t have done that, would I, could I have….?

Kenny

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