Well, today there were lots of thoughts buzzing around my head. At first that pleased me then it concerned me. Is it the Holy Spirit, or is it steroids? This is quite often my dilemma at the moment, as you will have picked up from previous blogs. Actually it could be both, as I discovered during a short blast of steroids before this longer course that they did make it easier to sense the presence of God and even to pray and get hold of prophetic insight! That is ammunition being put in the Cessationists’ hands by a Charismatic…it’s nice to be kind.
However I don’t like the thought or feeling of medication having a control over me beyond curtailing what is wrong with my lungs. Today that thought led to a whole batch of other concerned thoughts. From wondering if I could get through to the truth of God while on medication, I started to feel concerned about others being able to access God. What about those with some sort of mental illness? What about those who can’t pay to go to somewhere where the Spirit of God is really moving, the latest evangelical or charismatic show? What about those who unlike myself in my upbringing have never experienced what love is, how can they understand let alone receive the love of God and whatever blessings that love would give to them?
Just as my thoughts were running away with me, I started to think of the phrase, “Eternal love sees a way.” These words brought rest to my soul, though they also opened up even more tangents which my mind clamoured to wander! It relieved the “Steroids or Spirit” panic. It brought rest to my concerns for others. Of course God’s love finds ways of breaking through any disadvantage or difficulty.
I found that simple thought released prayers for some situations that were bothering me, for people that I care about: “Thank you Father that your love sees and can find a way through to their hearts, to their situations.” Perhaps it is just being a pastor too long; perhaps it is the current driven sounding emphasis in church circles about finding out our ministries and our giftings and using them for the church’s mission in the world; perhaps it is neurosis: however it got there, there is an overdeveloped sense of responsibility that I sometimes become aware of bubbling away in me, and it deprives me of rest and peace. How fruitless! God is God. HIs love for his children was there before any of us were ever born, before we achieved anything, before anyone had advantage or disadvantage, before things went well for us or things damaged us, before sin, before steroid medication, the love of God has known has been set upon you and I, has delighted in His sons and daughters from forever to forever. How foolish to think anything can stop His irresistible grace getting through to His children somehow. Which is greater; the love of God or my capacity to muck up life or anything or anyone’s capacity to muck up life? That brought rest to my soul for me and to my worries for others. May it bring rest to your soul too, and rest concerning those you love and care about.
Here is the same thought in a poem that came to me today, if it is worthy of being called a poem. I apologise it is in rhyme once again. I prefer to write in other ways. At the moment however, I can’t seem to write a poem in any other way! It is driving me up the wall… Aaargh!! This too will pass…. what a relief that will be! Anyway here it is. If it helps anyone, then praise God; if it just helps me, then be thankful with me. It’s another for the “Steroid Collection” of poems, of which there are a slowly growing number…
God bless you this day and always with an awareness of your eternal belovedness.
The Steroid Collection: number 3
My hands are fidgeting
My thoughts are flitting
Too many signals, too much light,
too many horses to jump on and ride…
Is my bed of thoughts this day steroid sprung?
Is it the caffeine, the sun or The Son?
Life emerging or mere straw snatching?
What direction is this, sinking or rising
This calms all, and brings a settling,
“I have loved you with love everlasting.”
Copyright, K.S. Borthwick